I got to see people today!

DTASC is in two days and we all met today to practice.  I learned that my sister gets mad when I tell her it ends at 2 and we end up finishing at 2:15, and that I need to act even sexier. Fantastic.

But a good part of today was being able to see all my friends that I haven't seen in nearly two weeks.  And I also got to see, well, someone.  Someone that I ended up staring at most of the time we were in the same room.  I don't know why, but I really like that moment when you're staring at someone- well, not just staring absentmindedly, but actually looking at them- and then they look at you.  There's the time it takes for you to realize that they're looking at you, then that split second where your eyes meet, then the quick, trying-to-be-subtle turn of the head that's probably not as subtle as you hoped.  Then looking back at them a few seconds later.

Anyway, here's a recap of boring things you probably don't care about, so feel free to skip this part: I only have three full days left of spring break before school starts again, and I haven't started my homework.  I took my history book out of my backpack, but that's about it.  Also, that Spanish project I was supposed to work on over a week ago is apparently due the day we get back to school, so we can't work on anything after school like we had planned.  The only day we would be able to do it is Sunday, and I don't even think one girl would be able to work on it that day.  Gah, I fucking hate group projects.

Two more days of BEDA.  I'm sorry for spewing out random crap that people don't care about, but I want to finish this.

I am so out of shape

Today, I came up with a list of things to do.  It was a rather short list, but some of the things on it, I knew would take a while.  That list consisted of jogging, finishing my book, and finishing my homework.  So far, I have only done one of those things.  (Then again, I've only been awake since 12, so give me some credit!)

I went on a jog earlier!  Last summer, I took aerobics for summer school.  It was a lot of fun and I was in such great shape!  Then, when that stopped, I wasn't in very good shape anymore.  So today, I decided to jog!  I had planned on jogging around the block a few times, maybe two or three.  But when I started jogging, I was wiped out very quickly and only made it around once.  Then I practically crawled inside, turned on the fan, and drowned myself while drinking water.  I blame the heat.

So I'm going to try to jog every day, and try to build up my stamina so I will soon be able to jog around the block two or three times!  Hopefully I'll be able to encourage myself to do so.

I still need to do my homework because I'm going to be busy every single day of break until we go back to school, now.  So here's when my procrastination starts to kick in.  Then again, I didn't do my homework last week, so I guess it's always been here...

Disneyland trips: 5
Books read: 8.5
Current song: Journey to the Past from Anastasia

Sometimes I feel like nobody cares.

"Notice me, damn it! I exist!" is what I want to shout sometimes.

I mean, I don't like having loads of attention, per say (which doesn't even happen often), but it'd be nice to be noticed sometimes.  I mean, I know I'm not the most popular person.  I'm weird, and kind of an outcast, but I have friends- great friends- but sometimes I wonder if they hang out me because they want to, or because they got stuck with me.  And it's not like this is a recent thing.  I've felt a little excluded my entire life.

When I was younger, I would escape on the internet, and I still do today.  But I seemed to be better at making online friends five or so years ago.  Neopets was my haven.  I made some pretty great friends on there that I felt I could talk to about anything, but I knew my limits.  I never told anyone my last name or where I lived or anything like that.  But then my parents found out I was talking to people online and gave me this entire lecture about how it's dangerous and told me that I should stop, and I guess I was never as good at making friends online again.  Sure, there's some people I talk to, but I feel like nobody actually cares about me.  They just talk to me because I'm there.

And in real life, I feel like my friends don't care sometimes.  I can only remember one instance, in my entire life, of someone asking me what's on my mind.  It was recently, too.  And it wasn't because she had to, but because she noticed that I was thinking hard about something and was curious.  And yes, she is definitely one of my closest friends, and I'm extremely grateful that she cares enough to ask, but no, I did not tell her what I was thinking.  I didn't tell her because I didn't want her to judge me.

I, like everyone else on this planet, have secrets.  Some people can be comfortable with their secrets, and open about them, but that's not the case with me.  I have good friends, yes, but like I said before, I feel like if I tried to tell someone, nobody would care.  And because I've spent my entire life like this- without someone that I know cares about me- I may have slight trust issues.  I don't trust people with my secrets because I'm afraid they won't matter to them.

I'm just sick of being a bump on the log, and I'm sick of people not giving a rat's ass about me.  I fucking exist.  And sure, I don't do anything extraordinary, I acknowledge that, but I do like feeling noticed, sometimes.  I like knowing that someone cares.

Disneyland trips: 5

Books read: 8.5

Current song: Terrified - Katharine McPhee ft. Zachary Levi

EDIT: And yes, I do these blog posts to publish my thoughts to the world, and I have- what? Four followers? And I highly doubt any of you even read these posts that I spend my time typing out.  I wonder, what's the point?

Free Love Day and the dentist

Hello beautiful people of the world!  The two topics mentioned in the title don't have anything to do with each other except for the fact that they both happened today.

Today is Free Love Day, where people are encouraged to draw a heart on their wrist, and to reach out to people.  It is to promote awareness of depression and suicide.  I hope you all drew a heart your wrist today to show support!

About half of my face was numb until now.  Now the numbness is pretty much gone, except my mouth is sore.  I hate that, despite the fact that I brush and floss my teeth twice a day, I still get cavities.  Curse my parents for giving me their bad teeth.

I did have some deep thoughts that I planned on discussing in today's post, but I can't think of how to say them, so I guess I'll just save those for tomorrow.  I'm also going to start doing that counter thing again at the end of my posts, with a new section too, because April is almost over.  And just so you know, I plan on spending all day tomorrow reading.

Disneyland trips: 5
Books read: 7.5
Current song: Tears To Shed from Corpse Bride

Happy Easter!

Today was a really good day!  Well, the afternoon was, at least...

Sometimes, I hate being a girl.  Especially today.  It's, ya know, that time of the month, and this morning, I got cramps.  Usually, my cramps aren't that severe- they're just a little pain in that area.  But today, they were so bad.  It hurt so much I threw up and felt like I was going to pass out.  I ended up lying on the couch with a heating pad on my stomach for about an hour.  It was awful.  And it caused us to be late to the family Easter party, which I don't really mind, but still.

After I started to feel better, my day got better.  The food was delicious- I practically filled myself up on the bread and cheesy potatoes.  We got a piñata, but it broke after my 5 year old cousin went at it.  She wasn't hitting it that hard, but she made it fall, then it broke.  We were only supposed to get three swings each and be blindfolded, but I guess that didn't apply because she's only five.  The rest of us our 13 and up, the oldest being 27, I think.  Actually, I don't know how old he is.  Never mind.  But we got candy, so that was nice!

And now, at home, we watched Tangled.  I got the DVD from the Easter Bunny this morning, so that was exciting!  So my dad got me a soda, and I sat on the couch, eating my candy, watching Tangled with surround sound.  I almost know all the words, and I've only seen it three and a half times.  But I swear, it's one of my favorite movies!

Other good news: my cousin finally returned my copy of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone!  I'm never letting family borrow books again.  Friends, yes- depending on the friend.  But I guess family thinks they can just keep it as long as they want because they're family.

I know this is another late post, but it's still Sunday here in California.  I hope you had a wonderful Easter, and I will see you tomorrow!

Late post...

But it's still the 23rd in California, so this doesn't count as missing a day!  I didn't get home until just now because I was at the Easter vigil mass at my church.  It was really long.  I mean, not as long as it has been previous years, but still long.

Today was a very lazy day for me.  I stayed in pajamas until about 5 PM (when I started to get ready for church), read, and ate food.  And now, I'm very tired, so this shall be a quick post so I can head off to bed soon.

Easter is tomorrow, but since I went to the mass tonight, I was able to drink soda afterwards!  Sadly, they had no Coke or Dr. Pepper, but I happily went with orange and grape soda (they had run out of orange when I went for a refill, so I got grape instead).

And I believe that is all I have to say today...  Goodnight!

Lots of walking and strange men.

After sleeping over at Camille's house last night, my sister picked me up, because she had spent the night at her friend's house as well.  While in the car on the way home, we randomly decided to go to the Huntington Library. She had gone on a field trip and it sounded really cool, so I thought it would be fun, and it really was!

The gardens there were so beautiful.  I really liked the Chinese gardens and the lily ponds, because lilies are my favorite flower.  Well, water lilies, but still, lilies.  And the Chinese gardens had a pond with koi fish (a/n: koi fish always make me think of Avatar: The Last Airbender) and those ponds also had a few water lilies in them.  And even when just walking on the paths between the gardens, you were surrounded by such beautiful trees and flowers; it was amazing!

My favorite part, however, was this room that had all these original copies of literary works.  There were letters from famous people in history, original hand-written drafts of novels (with edits by the author scribbled in).  I actually recognized a lot of the authors' names and works from English and history classes.  And the best part of this room was a case that had Shakespeare's works.  There were original copies of Much Ado About Nothing and Shakespeare's Comedies, Histories, and Tragedies.  The second one was open to the first page of King Lear.  I thought that was awesome.  I read the entire first page and I found all of the first lines of the people in my group!  Obviously we had cut the lines a little, but they were there!  I thought that was really cool.

After leaving the library, my sister and I were hungry, so we went to  Taco Bell.  The nearest one had a weird drive-thru, so we had to go in.  When we got inside, we noticed that we were the only girls there, but didn't think much of it.  So we told the guy at the register our orders and the total was only about four dollars.  We thought that was weird.  Then, this group of boys probably my age or a little younger were sitting by the door, and when we walked out, they shouted to us, "Hey baby!" It was so weird.

Then, when we got in the car, we were trying to figure out why our food was only $4.  I took a look at the receipt and noticed that it subtracted half the cost, and the reason was "EMP ML".  Employee Meal.  Employees get 50% off.  That old creep at the register gave us his discount.  Perv.  Ugh, I'm still weirded out.

Anyway, Demi Lovato is going to be on 20/20 soon and I'm really looking forward to watching this.  She is such a strong woman, and I'm proud to say that I'm a fan of hers.  If you have a problem with that, you can leave.  Now, I shall be back tomorrow! Adieu.